By EMILY HAWKINS
When Carlie and Doni come to town, you have to cancel all plans, including all the parties you have lined up, and watch them perform. Like most of us, they are extremely poor and extremely single. But, very unlike us, they sing about their sucky lives for the enjoyment of others while we throw pity parties for ourselves.
Carlie and Doni have been best friends and roommates for years. They’ve worked together at an Italian/Mexican restaurant, got fired together at an Italian/Mexican restaurant, have had many failed relationships with foreign men and lesbians, and tell the world all about it. Carlie only goes for foreign men and says “no accent, no access”, while Doni is a lesbian who only goes for straight women. While the two like different things, they have the same mentality about relations with other people: put out or get out. The two just started their touring in August and have been to many schools around the country spreading their humor.
From the start, the two had the audience laughing. The show opened with a hilarious song titled “Cameltoe”. Carlie strummed the guitar and Doni sang beautifully about a great night she had in El Paso with a girl who had an unfortunate problem with her undergarments. Despite her front wedgie, Doni still sang passionately and very inappropriately about her Texas Love that she hasn’t seen since that hot and fiery night. For all you heartbroken 20-something’s, Doni has the perfect solution to getting over it: watch all the episodes of Sex and the City. No one will see you for two months, but hey, maybe that’s better for everyone.
To accompany their stellar songs, Carlie and Doni showed hysterical photo shopped images of Doni sobbing over her lost Texas Love and Carlie with her foreign men.
The two then did a song that had a very important message: bros before hoes. Doni expressed her hurt feelings when Carlie stopped hanging out with her for a boy. Carlie even went ice skating without Doni, an activity that is only a Carlie and Doni thing. You could feel the pain Doni went through when her bestie left her for testies. Don’t ever leave your best friend to be with a man who wants to go ice skating for his birthday.
Carlie showed off her pipes with a song about her beloved foreign men. She combed through the crowd, stroking the hair of men and sitting on their laps, belting her heart out and speaking Spanish. I’m sure you’ll find some takers in the Illinois College crowd, Carlie.
Despite all the laughs and swear words, Carlie and Doni both have a soft side. They spoke about the issue of bullying. As it is a serious issue, Carlie and Doni both spoke out against it, and even inappropriately threatened anybody who would think of doing it. Carlie and Doni were hilarious and can make anything into a comical song.