A Completely Bombastic Claim

Ryan Flynn-

This article will be hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian.

This wise owl wants you to use big words!

This wise owl wants you to use big words!

What is with this incessant use of protracted, complicated, pretentious wording to persuade plebeians of your perceptions, interpretations, and solutions? It is as if an individual must manufacture themselves to be perceived as smarter than what they really are. Or maybe it is a tactic of inveigling the carbon-based life form you are conversing with.

Lawyers exercise this frequently, same as doctors, and politicians. In substitution for unpretentious words, they insist on utilizing the thesaurus placed on their coveted mahogany-style writing cabinets to conceive these grandiloquent sentences. By utilizing this they can then circumnavigate the waters of chit-chat without spilling anything important.

And while I am demolishing bombastic claims of so-called aristocratic word-scribbling imposters, enable me to also describe to you, the reader, the disadvantageous over-assumptions deduced by English teachers on classical literature.

It is my ratiocination to believing that if Shakespeare were alive in the present, he would claim he did not contrive anything, but instead purely wrote for enjoyment! Even the most sagacious of human beings desire hedonism sometimes! Quite possibly what was originally contrived was that the reader could derive their own conclusions from the text, without the author depositing otherworldly meaning within it.

As you must by now deduce, I have a discountenance for this cluttering of young, studious, offspring’s craniums. I say cranium instead of cerebrum, because I postulate that this hodgepodge of information is hardly ever absorbed, never to be integrated into the memory.

Affixing another smithereen to my unremitting critique of all things English language, why must the English language insist on being so laborious and perturbing? And if you don’t learn how to use it correctly and effectively you are seen as indolent, or otherwise incompetent and inept. Considering the complexity of the English language, that is completely iniquitous!

All of the above is completely and utterly floccinaucinihilipilification!

I simply could have ascribed to the services of petite, banal, and monotonous language and communicated with you something of importance. I could have just had a confabulation with you, my reader, instead of catapulting superfluous terminology and locution at you.

Accept my sincerest apologies for my nonsensical approximation.

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