Horoscope (November 25)

100% Parodied Horoscope

Aries: Forget the thanksgiving turkey. Eat some boiled goose.

Taurus: You’ll be confronted with a dangerous situation. YOLO (You Oughta Look Out)

Gemini: You have to weather this cold weather whether you like it or not.

Cancer: Life is too complicated. Go to some place plain and simple for a while, like an amish paradise.

Leo: Its cold out and you don’t look gangster enough. You need to get yourself a sweater on turtle with a neck on puff.

Virgo: Don’t forget to add boats and hoes to your christmas list.

Libra: You’re feeling dangerous, like a fire in a nursing home.

Scorpio: If you multiply Santa Claus by i, does that make him real?

Sagittarius: Oh, your birthday is coming up? Say happy birthday to the ground!

Capricorn: Remember, it’s all about the pentiums baby.

Aquarius: Your life will be just regular everyday normal. Nothing special about you.

Pisces: If you don’t understand any of these references, you need to consider what you are doing wrong with your life.


Lex Smith, from Beardstown, Illinois, is a junior majoring in physics and chemistry. Lex is the treasurer and official horoscope-creator of The Rambler.


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