Lex Smith & Ben Wedeking –
Actually-Relevant-to-Your-Sign Horoscope
Aries: If you get angry, talk to Capricorn, because goats and rams stick together.
Taurus: If you ever get into an argument with someone, headbutt them.
Gemini: If you run out of people to talk to, talking to yourself will suffice.
Cancer: You can come out of your room any time now.
Leo: Keep your squad in check.
Virgo: Your life in the bedroom will be on the downside this year.
Libra: Read a book for once in your life.
Scorpio: Stop freaking crying for once.
Sagittarius: Put down the bow. Go ride a horse instead.
Capricorn: Spend all your savings at the casino and you will come out big.
Aquarius: If you see a fire, pour water on it.
Pisces: If you feel like things are a little fishy, it’s just you.
Lex Smith, from Beardstown, Illinois, is a junior majoring in physics and chemistry. Lex is the treasurer and official horoscope-creator of The Rambler.
