Horoscope (February 3)

Lex Smith & Ben Wedeking –

Actually-Relevant-to-Your-Sign Horoscope

Aries: If you get angry, talk to Capricorn, because goats and rams stick together.

Taurus: If you ever get into an argument with someone, headbutt them.

Gemini: If you run out of people to talk to, talking to yourself will suffice.

Cancer: You can come out of your room any time now.

Leo: Keep your squad in check.

Virgo: Your life in the bedroom will be on the downside this year.

Libra: Read a book for once in your life.

Scorpio: Stop freaking crying for once.

Sagittarius: Put down the bow. Go ride a horse instead.

Capricorn: Spend all your savings at the casino and you will come out big.

Aquarius: If you see a fire, pour water on it.

Pisces: If you feel like things are a little fishy, it’s just you.

 

Lex Smith, from Beardstown, Illinois, is a junior majoring in physics and chemistry. Lex is the treasurer and official horoscope-creator of The Rambler.

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