Horoscope: Accurate within 47%

Lex Smith –

Aries: Get some sleep this week. You look tired.

Taurus: You have a lot of questions but they will all be answered when Jupiter aligns with Saturn.

Gemini: Try whistling. That usually works.

Cancer: Sweatpants are acceptable this week.

Leo: Run like a chicken, sting like a bee.

Virgo: Your catch phrase this week: “Where did my phone go?”

Libra: You will notice someone very soon and realize they have been there all along.

Scorpio: Start asking yourself, what would Nickelback do? Then don’t do that thing.

Sagittarius: Your signs are working against your luck. Stay away from foreign foods.

Capricorn: You deserve a treat. Treat yo’ self.

Aquarius: You need to get a pet. You should adopt a First-Year.

Pisces: Remember, there is no cool way to recover, should you accidentally fart in public.

Lex Smith, from Beardstown, Illinois, is a senior majoring in physics and chemistry. Lex is the official horoscope-creator of The Rambler.

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