Lex Smith –
Aries: Get some sleep this week. You look tired.
Taurus: You have a lot of questions but they will all be answered when Jupiter aligns with Saturn.
Gemini: Try whistling. That usually works.
Cancer: Sweatpants are acceptable this week.
Leo: Run like a chicken, sting like a bee.
Virgo: Your catch phrase this week: “Where did my phone go?”
Libra: You will notice someone very soon and realize they have been there all along.
Scorpio: Start asking yourself, what would Nickelback do? Then don’t do that thing.
Sagittarius: Your signs are working against your luck. Stay away from foreign foods.
Capricorn: You deserve a treat. Treat yo’ self.
Aquarius: You need to get a pet. You should adopt a First-Year.
Pisces: Remember, there is no cool way to recover, should you accidentally fart in public.
Lex Smith, from Beardstown, Illinois, is a senior majoring in physics and chemistry. Lex is the official horoscope-creator of The Rambler.