Lady Fortuna –
Aries: You will be running behind more than the campus announcements.
Taurus: The secret to happiness is at the bottom of a tub of ice cream. You’re welcome.
Gemini: Saying ‘LOL’ like a word doesn’t help you make any friends.
Cancer: Mars is bright tonight. So, that’s something.
Leo: That thing you are waiting for will arrive in two days time.
Virgo: Good luck on that paper. You’re gonna need it.
Libra: Your search for love will take a long time. Even longer than the search for a new Provost.
Scorpio: Today, you will read the Rambler. (wow, I’m good!)
Sagittarius: Friends make the worst enemies. Keep them happy.
Capricorn: Your life this week will be like a box of chocolates. Savor it.
Aquarius: Stop obsessing over that guy and focus on what’s important. Like lunch.
Pisces: Here’s some sage advice: wrap it before you tap it.