Horoscopes

Lady Fortuna – 

Aries: You will be running behind more than the campus announcements.

Taurus: The secret to happiness is at the bottom of a tub of ice cream. You’re welcome.

Gemini: Saying ‘LOL’ like a word doesn’t help you make any friends.

Cancer: Mars is bright tonight. So, that’s something.

Leo: That thing you are waiting for will arrive in two days time.

Virgo: Good luck on that paper. You’re gonna need it.

Libra: Your search for love will take a long time. Even longer than the search for a new Provost.

Scorpio: Today, you will read the Rambler. (wow, I’m good!)

Sagittarius: Friends make the worst enemies. Keep them happy.

Capricorn: Your life this week will be like a box of chocolates. Savor it.

Aquarius: Stop obsessing over that guy and focus on what’s important. Like lunch.

Pisces: Here’s some sage advice: wrap it before you tap it.

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