By: Dylan Howard
There are only a few decisions more important than voting for President of the United States. Such things include deciding which college to attend, deciding who to marry, and what divorce lawyer you’ll hire for that spouse you picked that didn’t work out (I bet you wish you got that prenup now, don’t you?). Think about it, how many things in life do you get a chance to vote on? Imagine how different your home life would have been growing up if you got to vote on your chores. “Mom, I appreciate your vigor in wanting the living room clean, but I’m going to have to veto this proposal”.
Think of how different it would be if you could vote for, oh I don’t know, whether or not to have Illinois College provide students with textbooks at a ridiculous fee with a book provider that soon went under and is now trying to figure out what to do next semester. You know, stuff like that.
Well now you have a say! The problem isn’t whether or not you should vote, you definitely should. The real issue is that picking the candidate you want to support has turned out to be such a difficult thing to do. This is of course because both candidates are just…so…good.
Seriously, who do you pick, Hillary or Trump? It’s like someone asking you if you want cookie dough ice cream or fudge brownie ice cream; both are just as good, you don’t really care which you get. Just gimme ice cream!
Let’s start with Hillary Clinton. Isn’t it about time we had a woman in the White House with an Oval Office instead of just a square one? Truthful Hillary has kept full integrity by not playing the “woman card” at all during her campaign. She says people should vote for her not because of her gender, but because of her merits, although she said one of her merits was her gender, which makes total sense and isn’t contradictory at all. I’m just glad that the women who say they’re voting for Clinton because she’s a woman are empowered and seen as strong and that the men saying they’re voting for Trump because he’s a man aren’t viewed as narrow-minded misogynists…because that would be hypocritical and dumb.
Another thing that’s so inspiring about Hillary is her ability to change her views about issues. The way she opposed gay marriage until shortly before her 2012 election run where she was all for it shows real moral fiber and conviction, and I applaud her bravery. I think she’s grown a lot on women’s issues as well, like saying that women who claim sexual assault should immediately be believed. It’s just refreshing to see her change her views on this a couple decades removed from attacking and defaming women who came forward with sexual assault allegations against President Bill Clinton. Finally, it’s about time we had someone leading this country who is tech savvy. The way Hillary Clinton has been able to utilize email in her career is really quite impressive. I mean, I don’t know how to set up a private server, do you?
Now let’s talk about the Donster, the Orange Bandit, and all around level-headed guy, Donald Trump. Finally, a Republican nominee who has real answers to real problems. Donald Trump is so inspiring and poetic that every time he says “huge” (pronounced ‘yooj’) or “believe me” in a speech I just get so lost in his leadership that I don’t even pay attention to the vast amount of detailed points or steps he has to implement said ideas.
I think it would be a good thing to have such a successful businessman like Trump in the White House. He’s so successful that I don’t even have to look up his business ventures to see if they even worked out. Besides, he constantly says he’s rich, and I can’t imagine someone lying about their wealth to appear successful, can you?
I bet he’s just thankful that he has such big hands to hold his undoubtedly thick wallet. I suppose I’d like to see his tax returns but as I understand it, he paid so much in taxes, that the IRS doesn’t even have a program powerful enough to calculate how much.
It’s also refreshing to have a sentimental man leading this country, breaking down stereotypes that men have to be tough and rigid. I recently heard a sound byte of him and Billie Bush and he apparently has a soft spot for cats.
Well folks, I sure hope you voted. Although, it doesn’t really matter who won this election. Either choice is bound to make America great again.
Dylan Howard, from Jacksonville, Illinois is a senior who is majoring in Economics with a minor in Mathematics. Dylan was born very young in 1993 and is the fifth of six children. Dylan is best known for his “Rambler Rant” where he takes trivial arguments way too seriously. If you want any interviews or autographs, you’ll have to contact his secretary.