Rambler Rant-Christmas Music

By: Dylan Howard

All I Want For Christmas Is You…To Stop Singing About Christmas

Well we made it everyone, another semester in the books. This has been a crazy one for sure. There were plenty of juicy drama around campus this semester, from Chartwells health codes not even being fit for a Guantanamo kitchen to finding out that the school’s book provider, Rafter, closed down quicker than a Hillary Clinton t-shirt stand at a NASCAR event, there has been plenty going on these past couple of months that kept students on campus engaged and talking about current events. Or in the case of Trump’s presidential nomination, it seems we’re more divided and harder to come together than a jigsaw puzzle being done by someone with a blindfold on (don’t judge me, this is my last chance to use my repertoire of crummy jokes until next semester).

So, to start the healing process we so desperately need, I think we should all come together as an IC community in the ongoing fight against something really quite horrific. Though our backgrounds are varied, though some of us are Republicans and others are Democrats, though some of us are vegans and some of us are logical, though some of us cried with joy after World Series game 7 while others cried with sadness, I believe there is one sure-fired thing we can all agree on. Christmas music…needs…to stop.

Now before you start calling me Scrooge and ordering coal to be shipped to my house, I don’t mean to say that Christmas music should be ended altogether. However, I believe the timeframe that it plays as well as the frequency that we hear it on the radio, tv, Youtube ads, etc. should be adjusted to a more sensible proportion.

To me, Christmas music is kind of like eating Sour Skittles. The first few minutes are definitely enjoyable and the thought, “Man I haven’t had these in awhile, I forgot how good they were” probably pops into your head. However, it doesn’t take long before you’re reminded of why you don’t eat them very often. Too many Sour Skittles and for some cruel and unusual reason, your tongue starts dissolving like a sugar cube in boiling water.

So it is with Christmas music. A little bit of “All I Want for Christmas is You” mixed in with some “Jingle Bell Rock” initially has your head bobbin and your vocal chords straining as you attempt to match the singer’s pitch while you listen to the songs in your car. But seriously, it is literally impossible to escape the mighty clutches that Christmas music has over this country.

Maybe if we started hearing the songs later in the year it wouldn’t be so bad. But as far as I can tell, stores and radio stations start playing Christmas tunes pretty much the day after Halloween! Ah yes, no transition seems more logical than glorifying death, monsters, ghosts, fear, and gluttony and then immediately glorifying love, family, gift-giving, and joy. I swear the US goes back and forth.

So this holiday season, I want you to do whatever makes you happy. Fill your stockings with candy, give a gift to an old friend, knit a sweater, do whatever you have to do. Just whatever you do, please keep the Christmas music to a minimum. Unless it’s Michael Buble, in which case, your crimes are exonerated.

 

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